Happy Christmastide (until January 5), Blessed Epiphany (January 6), and an overall Happy New Year everyone!!
Here is my 2023 reads list. Enjoy. Feel free to pass onto others.
And please comment with your favorite reads of late. I am always on the hunt for good reads from any genre. I am especially looking for some historical fiction.
Peace
Scott
“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.” 1 Peter 2:21
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
“But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.” Philippians 2:17
The Biblical witness is strong.
There is not a single, significant Old Testament character that did not suffer in their walk with God and the fulfilling of their calling.
Every New Testament book addresses the topic of suffering in one way or another.
Biblically, suffering is the norm. The human experience also declares this. No one escapes adversities.
So why are we so surprised?
I recall the day I asked God, with a clear accusatory tone in my voice, “So this is what I get? I go to hard places in the world to care for your people and this is what I get (yet another serious illness)?”
At first God did not respond. But eventually he did. After many months of silence his response to me was simple and clear. “Yes.”
Since then I have been taught by Jesus, over many years, that the physical suffering I live with is not only the context in which he beckons me to walk with him, it is also the context in which I am to fulfill my vocational calling toward others.
In other words, suffering is essential to my on-going formation as a person. And, suffering is required to fulfill God’s calling on my life. It is the context in which I am called to walk with him and others.
This is true for all of us, in one way or another.
So why are we so surprised?
Softened By Context
For those of us in contexts that do not persecute people for faith in Christ, our societies can begin to influence us that ease is the path we deserve.
Further, the church often is more influenced by this than biblical norms. We can begin to believe that ease is the marker of God’s favor, and pain is the marker of God’s punishment.
Hard Life Lessons
Through biblical and theological reflection, tempered by some harsh adversities in my own journey, I have come to learn some beautiful and confounding realities.
First, our salvation depends on suffering. Jesus’ suffering. This wins us our justification. Because Jesus has shed blood and endured great pain, we can know life, joy, and peace.
Second, our salvation includes suffering. Our own suffering. This is a key aspect of our sanctification. I don’t always like it, but a primary way God matures us is through suffering. Maturing, ultimately, is growing in love – the Father’s love. Our pain carves out capacity to know God and his love for me and to be taught how to sacrificially care for others.
Each of us need companionship of others – pastor and friends, spiritual director and counselors – to walk these paths well.
Wiser Wonders
When in adversity, it is wise to wonder how the Father wants to draw us deeper into his love.
We might also wonder how Jesus is sharing sufferings with us and empowering us to walk with others with greater discernment and clarity.
We might wonder further how the Spirit is filling us afresh.
I counsel that one of the best wonders is not, “Why is this happening to me?” but rather, “How is the Father inviting me to walk with him amidst this?”
How has the Father shown you his love amidst prolonged adversity?
How has Jesus equipped you to love others more true?
How has the Spirit formed you into the ways of Jesus?
How is the Father walking with you amidst hardship and how might you in turn walk well with him?
These types of wonders and prayers posture us to walk in the power of Jesus amidst a world full of pain. It allows the Spirit to expand our souls to receive the Father’s love.
“For it has been granted (i.e. gifted) to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake…” Philippians 1:29
The previous post looked at the dynamic of leadership within organizational systems and how values play a role in that.
In this second part on what drives us to be task focused over people focused, we will reflect upon emotional maturity.
Part 2: Emotional Immaturity
Emotional immaturity is another cause of making task more important than people.
We all think we are emotionally mature.
Emotional maturity has to do with not only self-awareness but also being aware of other’s emotions, and how impact is playing out in a room. A tendency is to be so self-focused in any given situation that one is unaware of the impact one is having on others. This is an essential growth area.
Peter Scazzero and his wife have developed many useful tools and resources in this arena. If you have not read and slowly pondered each chapter of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, then put that at the top of your read list. This is essential reading.
Impact Audit
Here is a practice that will draw on your courage reserves: Ask any one you have regular contact with – friends, spouse, workmates, etc. the following question- “What it is like to relate to me?”
They will balk, likely sugar coat and avoid. Be persistent. Tell them you really want to know. NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, receive it. Ask clarifying questions but otherwise you are only allowed to say “thank you.” Do not be defensive or explain your actions for that will immediately erode trust. Simply receive what they say – it is simply how they experience you, as subjective as that may be. It takes courage to be honest. Thank them.
Be forewarned that if you are deemed by others to be a defensive or otherwise unsafe person, you may get very little concrete feedback. If it is all positive, no hard stuff to hear, then you likely are not hearing the whole story.
Making the Change (i.e Repent)
As a person who has influence over others, it is a big shift to replace efficiency with relationship and emotional awareness.
So for example, that might mean that the agenda for a meeting is totally sidetracked because one of the team members is deeply struggling. The person takes precedent over the task at hand. Of course there is a balance here, that one person can’t sidetrack the entire forward movement. Yet, the people in the room hold higher value than the task at hand.
When teams make this shift, they are on their way to valuing people. What one will eventually have is an organizational culture that fosters health, healing, people development, ongoing maturation, and skill development. These matured ones will eagerly lay their lives down for others. The mission will get done.
It is a beautiful thing when it all comes to life.
Again, I welcome your comments on this topic.
In the 30 years that I have been involved in the care of those who live and work cross-culturally, over-arching themes begin to surface. One of those themes is that the vast majority of hurts come from one’s own organization and leadership. As I ask other colleagues about this observation, they quickly concur.
There is much behind what causes such hurts. I’d like to address two: emotional maturity and values. I will treat this in two parts beginning with the issue of values.
Part 1: Being a Value-Driven Person
Values are what direct our behaviors. It is our actions that actually reveal our true values.
For example, we may say we value being physically healthy. But if we eat unhealthy foods, don’t exercise and have poor sleep habits, then no matter what we say we value, our actions indicate otherwise.
Churches and para-church organizations exist for the care and development of people. Whether it is discipleship, church planting, medical work, education – whatever the missional focus is – it is always about the care and development of people.
So how can be it be that organizations that exist for the development of people tend to hurt their own people?
This is fundamentally a leadership issue. This is a leader issue both at a systems level and at a personal conduct level.
Pause: Before I proceed, let me relieve all of us of the temptation of thinking about “the other guy.” There is only one person we have responsibility for and it is ourselves, so please proceed with a self-evaluatory posture.
Org Systems
At the level of systems, leaders establish organization ethos and culture. They don’t just name the values, they ensure the values permeate the organization’s behaviors. If an organization values people over task fulfillment, then that will be reflected in everything that is done – decisions, policy, procedure, communications, and so on.
Ultimately the speed at which tasks are completed is where this meets the rub. People care and people development is slow work. If people are a value, then everything is slowed down.
This can drives leaders nuts! “Everything takes so long to get done…..!” True. And a worthy investment. Leaders who ignore this with impatience show forth that their value is efficiency not people. SHEPHERD LEADERSHIP IS NOT EFFICIENT.
Systems Audit
Consider the system(s) you are part of. Is it rushed? Slowed? Deliberate? Haphazard? Do people feel seen, known and heard or used, overlooked, and exhausted? Ask others what they experience.
Personal Conduct Within Systems
At a personal conduct level, leaders set the pace on all these matters stated above. It is not just a matter of what is being done but how it is done. I feel that one of my primary offerings in organizational leadership is how my own life and ministry is modeled for others. These are value-based concerns.
If a leader desires a certain ethos in the organization or team, then it is on them to live it first and last. We have all been in enough unhealthy environs to smell one quickly. Leaders who talk a talk but do not walk it are fairly obvious to pick out.
So what are your personal leader values? Patrick Lencioni distinguishes between stated values, inspirational values, and non-intentional values. It’s important that you name them all, for they all exist in our lives and organizations.
Values Audit
Write out what you deem are your personal values. Be specific. Don’t tolerate ambiguity. And then watch yourself over the coming weeks. Do you actually live those values? Understand that values will change over time. That is natural. But we want to be clear on who God has called and shaped us to be and live within those realities. Those are our values.
Importance of Reflection
Reflecting on these larger issues are important for they force us to slow down and be more intentional in how we want influence others in the name of Jesus. May his Spirit bring clarity and an expansive imagination for leading others in a way that is for their ongoing benefit and growth.
The next post will look at the dynamic of personal emotional maturity.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear your reflections on this, or any topic.
In response to my last blog post, I received a query that was very specific to some questions we all wrestle with. Here is the question:
You wrote, “It is a life long journey to grow in receiving the Father’s love, to learn to drink deep draughts of the Father’s love.” How does one receive the Father’s love, and how does one know when this is truly happening?
….How does one find a spiritual mentor old enough to understand where I am in life?…..I’d like to find someone besides my wife to share deeply with, but have found it hard to find someone I could trust.
There are two key questions herein:
How do I know I am receiving God’s love?
How do I find a spiritual mentor to walk with me in this journey?
Let’s take each of these questions one at a time as I sense they are common to us all.
How do I know I am receiving God’s love?
First, it is essential to define some terms. When we speak of love we are not only speaking of an emotion or a feeling.
The Apostle John instructs us that God is love. Love is a Person. What this reminds us of is that God is not merely doling out experiences of love, joy or peace. He is giving himself to us. This is a relationship
What he yearns for is for us to know him. In knowing him, we will know his love.
But how do I know?
Second, let us consider our response. Granted, this is a subjective dynamic. All relationships entail elements of subjectivity – how we experience another.
What God asks of us is not to try harder, do better, do more….He simply asks us to trust him. This is a simple act of faith. He says he is love. He says that his Spirit is constantly spreading abroad within us his love (Romans 5:5). He asks us to trust that he is in fact doing that regardless of what we feel.
Personally, I seldom have any sense of a transaction taking place. Yet, I have grown, or he has grown me, to trust that he is doing what he promises to do even if I do not sense it. The cumulative affect is that over decades I am far more at rest in his care and love than ever before. He is loving me – his life is constantly overflowing into mine. I can rest in that reality.
God is always active within and around us. Discernment of that reality comes differently to all of us. This is largely an unseen spiritual dynamic. Thus the invitation to trust.
Third, we have to acknowledge that all of us are handicapped in receiving and extending love. Each of us have been hurt and have hurt others in relationship. God’s sanctification of us is the life-long process of maturing us in his love. For some of us – due to personality, life story, and other reasons – sensing his love will come more naturally. For others of us, it will be a true stretch – we will always struggle to know that we know that we are being loved.
God knows us well. He is aware of when and with what we struggle. He is patient and kind. He is not driving us. He is gently drawing us.
What pleasure we bring to God when we simply trust him, regardless of feelings, that he is who he says he is and is doing what he says he is doing.
A common prayer of mine is for God to teach me his ways that I may grow in sensitivity to his inner workings in me and around me. He is eager to do that for us.
Be aware that the enemy’s primary desire is to distract and discourage. Discouragement can be a significant temptation, especially as we age. Resist this temptation. Don’t look within yourself. Look to him and trust him. This may not be a satisfying answer, yet it is the way God has set up our walk with him.
How do I find a spiritual mentor to walk with me in this journey?
Essential to this growth process is having others to journey with. Often others see God’s activity within us before we do.
Peers are essential, of course. Moreover, we need spiritual guides. Someone whose role in our life is to watch and listen with and for us. I find that having someone reflect back to me what they are hearing and seeing in me is invaluable.
A spiritual director is ideal. A spiritual director focuses his or her efforts on listening with the directee as to God’s presence and activity in the directee’s life.
It is true that as we age it is harder to find someone further down the path to guide us. Sometimes that ideal of an older guide can be set aside as God provides someone close to our age or even younger.
There are growing numbers of directors across the country and internationally.
Within North America here are some key spiritual director listings:
Evangelical Spiritual Directors Association graftedlife.org
Selah Spiritual Formation https://selahspiritual.com/find-a-spiritual-director/
Fall Creek Abby https://www.fallcreekabbey.org/sdaffiliates
Sustainable Faith https://sustainablefaith.com/ssd-find-a-spiritual-director/
If you know of other entities internationally, please send those to me and I will add them to the list.
Key to finding a director is to interview them. Set up a call or meeting for a 30 minute talk. Ask them questions you are curious about. If you have never met with a director tell them and ask them to explain the process. Settle on someone, give it a try for 3 months, and then evaluate. Don’t give up searching though. This is too valuable a practice to shrug one’s shoulders and not keep pursuing.
Be prepared that there will be a fee. This is money well invested.
I hope this provides a start to these real life questions. Please send a response if you have other questions or additional helps to share with others. Thanks!
Amongst those in vocational ministry there is a consistent theme of being under grown in spiritual depth for the vocation before them. True, we are never adequate in ourselves for what is before us. But is our growth trajectory one of steady deepening or spotty ups and downs?
How would you describe your intimacy with the Father now compared to 5 years ago?
Are you receiving more from God than you are giving out over the big picture of life?
Do you have a spirituality that is adequate for your calling – your private life and your professional expression?
Too may of us are running on our own energies. We are starved. Famished. Malnourished spiritually.
This is not sustainable.
How do we get here?
One lie that drives this is that with so many needs around us it is selfish to tend to ourselves. So we over extend in work to our own demise – spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally.
Another lie has to do with our sense of identity. The danger is to find our identity in what we do for others and how others in turn perceive us. We can be doing very important work, essential work, and be fueling a false identity all at the same time.
These lies and our responses to them get us into deep trouble. The weariness within is deep.
I have also found another fundamental issue at hand. We don’t know how to walk deeper with God. No one has modeled it for us, guided us, provided some mentoring and direction. So we feel stuck.
Let’s break each of these down.
Undoing the Lies
Jesus did nothing, nothing, apart from the Father’s presence and directive (see John 5:19, 30; 14:10, 31). So what was the Father’s pattern with his Son while he was on earth?
Jesus was the first and only one who could solve every need he ever came across. He met many of those needs. Thousands were taught, fed and healed. And yet, and yet…he did not meet all needs.
He deliberately walked away from some in need. As a man he could only be in one place at one time. He had his limits. He tired. He hungered. He often went to lonely places to pray (Luke 5:16) which clearly means he left people with their needs unmet (Luke 5:15).
How often is often? We are not told, but it was often enough to warrant Luke to mention the clear pattern early in Jesus’ ministry. The other gospel writers also refer to his seeking solitude. Read through the Gospels and note how often Jesus is away from others praying. Start with Luke, then head over to Mark.
This is our model. Jesus has not asked us to do his work for him. He has invited us to join him in his ongoing ministry to the Father. Jesus’ ministry has a very clear pattern to it. He wants to teach us that pattern.
We live life with Jesus. In relationship. In communion. Communing relationship requires time – time alone with one another. Daily time alone (word, prayer, reflection). Weekly time (Sabbath). Monthly time (day of prayer/solitude), Annual time (retreats, vacation) and beyond (sabbatical).
Identity
This leads us into the other lie regarding our identity.
Wherever you are in life, whatever work you are doing, the Father’s greatest desire is for you is to know his love for you. Not just get more stuff done.
God is not a pharaoh. And we are not his minions scurrying around building his kingdom for him. He does not need us to build his kingdom.
God is Father. He has made us his daughters and sons. As stated above, we join Jesus in his ongoing ministry. But first, we must learn his love. For all we do is an overflow of his life and love from within us.
Note Jesus in John 5 -“The Son can do nothing on his own accord. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he is doing.”
As it was for Jesus, so it is for us now. In John 15 Jesus directs us to abide in him, in his word and in his love.
Our identity is not in what we do or what others think of us. It is what our Father has to say about us. It is a life-long journey to grow in receiving the Father’s love, to learn to drink deep draughts of the Father’s love.
The lies are broken as we learn from Jesus his easy, light way (Matthew 11:25-30). It will include seeking solitude with the Father that we may grow in his love and learn Jesus’ pattern of sacrificial service. This takes time away from all that we are otherwise doing.
Mentors
Mentors, spiritual directors, pastors, counselors, and guides are essential to walking well with God and others. Ask God for these ones in your life. They are there. Don’t stop looking and asking until you have a handful of them in your life to learn from.
Take Away
I recently heard it said that if one doesn’t take sabbath and solitude seriously, there can be no progress spiritually.
Where has the Spirit been drawing you in your relationship with him?
Where do you desire most to grow?
How would you describe the state of your spiritual vibrancy?
Who can come alongside you?
When I began this blog 9 years ago I wrote on 5 themes I had been seeing whilst working with cross-cultural workers around the world. You can find that first blog here.
I followed that up a number of years later with some fresher observations, you can see the start of that series here.
I’d like to nuance that list of 5 themes again. The observations I have written upon over the past years still stand. But I am looking for the deeper causes to these effects. Accordingly, I have come up with a new 5. There is clearly some overlap in these lists. I am trying to bore down deeper though. How do we get here?
Here is my current 5. These are part observed themes and part dangers to be aware of.
Over the coming weeks I will expound on each of these themes.
Today, I’d like to invite some self-reflection. Before you roll your eyes and move on over to instagram, consider….Self-reflection, according to Proverbs and other passages, is a wise spiritual practice. “Consider your steps” we are advised. The following is for your slow prayerful, consideration:
How is your spiritual vitality? How would you gauge that dynamic?
How are you growing in receiving the Father’s love to you personally?
How consistently and deeply are you receiving spiritual input, nourishment and renewal? What practices and sources are providing that for you?
How are the key relationships in your life fairing? Where do you sense lack? What do you yearn for?
What are the values that impact your daily actions and choices? (Values describe how one aspires to behave in all scenarios, but especially relationally).
Describe any level of weariness within you – physically, spiritually, emotionally, vocationally….
Take some time to reflect deeply. No shame allowed. Simply hold your reality before the Lord in this Lenten season. Confess that which is misaligned. Rejoice in the God’s mercy for whatever shines forth beauty, truth and goodness.
Next: The observation and danger of not taking one’s spiritual vitality in Christ and deliberate growth seriously enough.
Aren’t books wonderful? I love the feel of a new book in hand. I have growing stacks all over the house. Some I find I tuck into again and again.
Attached is my 2022 reads list.
Please feel free to share this list with anyone.
Please share you favorite reads of late – any genre!
Read on friends, Scott
Tending Scattered Wool 